Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
