What a fucking waste of an outfit
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
