I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
