he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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