I heard we made out
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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