my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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