OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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