Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
