So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
