Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
