My friends, they love my intelligence
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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