Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
