Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I intend to get homeless drunk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
