you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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