I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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