maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
