i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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