dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
