Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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