i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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