I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
don't judge my taste in strippers
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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