Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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