i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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