Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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