rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize