Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize