I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
