His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
