so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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