My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
