I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
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In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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