I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
