That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
