my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
