I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
