he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
