I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
