I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
