let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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