Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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