my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
