i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
