Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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