I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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