Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize