What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
