He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I FOUND THE LEGS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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