Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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