His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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