i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
