dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
