My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
