were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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