So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
