Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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