I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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