Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
