My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
