I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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