That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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