Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
