He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
