I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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