u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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