sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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