i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
