My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
