is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
