like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
