cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
