Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
